Communications Solutions: Attitudes, Breakdowns & Conflict Resolution

January 15, 2012
By Judy Kay Mausolf

If communication can fail, it will. If a message can be understood in different ways, it will be understood in just the way that causes the most harm. There is always somebody who knows better than you what you meant by your message. The more communication there is, the more chance there is for it to fail. There are more opportunities for intent versus perception to differ.

How often have we heard someone say: “I know what you meant by that!” We are assuming we know what they meant based on what it would mean if we did that same behavior. For example:

Mary leaves at the end of the day without saying goodbye! We know what that meant! We believe she must be upset! Why, because we know we would never leave without saying goodbye unless we were upset! We judge her behavior and assign meaning based on what it would mean if we did that same behavior. Maybe Mary had an important appointment she was in a hurry to get to or maybe she had a hot date!

A co-worker who we normally have lunch with doesn’t make room for us to sit with them. We assume something must be wrong. Their reality: they thought if we wanted to sit with them we would ask them to make room or just do it our self.

A co-worker asks us to do something in a different way. We refuse because we tried it before and it didn’t work for us.

We have an encounter with a brother, sister, parent, child or spouse where there is a disagreement because of a difference of opinion. We believe we are right and they are wrong!

We have surely all experienced some of these! They are all examples of expectations based on our personal truths.

Our Personal Truths are the number one breakdown in communication. When we interact with others we are always coming from a place filled with our own experiences. Our expectations differ because of our unique and individual beliefs, opinions, and assumptions based on our experiences. These expectations become our personal truths upon which we base judgments of right and wrong. To help you remember it, they spell out the word B.O.A.T. Beliefs, opinions, assumptions, therefore, are truths based on our experiences.

We all have unique and individual experiences, yet we expect each other to think, act and respond the same. These false expectations get us into trouble when we think others must behave in the same manner as we do or their behavior is wrong. We think others must believe what we believe or they are wrong. Once we understand that our personal truths – how we judge the world by what is right and wrong – are based on the unique and individual experiences we have, we can no longer believe that our answer is the only right answer.

To communicate effectively, it is important to understand and respect other personal truths. This three letter word will resolve 90% of your communication problems: ASK! When you get that twinge in your gut and you think…hmmm…I wonder what they meant by that? Or I think they meant this… Remember that you don’t know! Stop yourself immediately from wondering and ASK! You will be surprised how many of your initial beliefs, opinions and assumptions are incorrect once you hear their intent.

Listen to others with an open mind. Let them share why they feel the way they do or did something a certain way. We have to stop judging with a mindset of right or wrong. Some things may seem 100% right to me and to you it may seem 100% wrong. Who’s right? In many cases there really is no right or wrong. Our judgment is based on our past experiences. If something I experienced in my past was positive I will believe it will be positive again. Another person may have had the same experience but it was negative. They will assume it will be negative again. Therefore, if we both described the same situation, it would differ greatly.

Our success depends greatly on how well we communicate in our personal and professional lives. When we communicate openly, positively, and effectively we inspire connections and build sincere, strong, sustaining relationships. Our ceiling of success then becomes like the old expression “The Sky’s the Limit.”

This course will help to elevate attendee’s communication to a level that inspires positive attitudes, prevents breakdowns, and resolves conflict, to take relationships from good to great every time! Attendees will learn the skills to communicate positively and effectively with different personalities resulting in an environment where everyone focuses on the positive (what is right) instead of the negative (what is wrong). Inspire a culture of appreciation and acknowledgment.

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About the Author

Judy Kay Mausolf is the owner and president of Practice Solutions, Inc. She is a speaker, coach, and author who specializes in helping others maximize their performance to succeed at getting the results in life they desire. Her focus is on developing leadership, broadening mindsets, elevating attitude, and strengthening communication skills to build happy, healthy, high performing doctor/team/patient relationships. She travels nationally, speaking at workshops, study club groups, seminars, and conventions, as well as coaching individuals and business owners to succeed.

Judy Kay is author Rise & Shine; An Evolutionary Journey to Get Out of Your Way and On Your Way to Success, and publishes the monthly newsletter Show Your Shine. She is a contributing author for Dental Economics, AGD Impact, First Impression, Pink Tooth and the Observer.

Judy Kay is President, National Speakers Association Minnesota Chapter (2012-13), National Study Club Director for the American Association of Dental Office Managers, Winner of the coveted “Spotlight-on-Speaking” award, and a member of the National Speakers Association, Speaking Consulting Network, Academy of Dental Management Consultants.

Learn more about Judy Kay’s presentations at: http://www.directoryofdentalspeakers.com/mausolfjudykay.html and www.PracticeSolutionsInc.net

LIONESS LEADERSHIP: Awaken the Instinctive Leader in YOU

By Katherine Eitel

Lions are born leaders.  Cubs are born with instincts to hunt, propagate, lead, and thrive… they just don’t know it.  The primary goal of mature lionesses is to awaken those instincts to ensure the success of the pride.  Like lions, you already have the instinctive ability to lead, and lead powerfully, from where ever you are in life… most of us just don’t know it, or trust it, yet.

Leadership thinking has nothing to do with owning a business, number of people you manage, how old you are, or how long you’ve been in the business.  It has everything to do with the mindset of an individual.  Dental professionals already have the instinctive ability to lead from wherever they are.   However, many just don’t know it (or trust it) yet.  Their boss wishes they did. 

Last year, I observed the Lioness Principle in action in a small, moderately successful, fee-for-service dental practice.  The hygienist was a talented, articulate, knowledgeable woman who taught part-time at the local dental hygiene school.  Regular dental hygiene exams produced very little dentistry and the growth of their periodontal program was at a standstill.  Doctor and hygienist agreed there were many restorative and perio recommendations that were either not made, or not made convincingly.  The reason they gave was a lack of time.   The reason I saw was a lack of leadership thinking.

The doctor felt there was not enough time during the short hygiene exam to properly diagnose and present the treatment he saw in its entirety.  The hygienist felt there was not enough time to properly use the intra oral camera, answer the subsequent treatment-related questions, or to chart complete probing.  She felt that her team members had no time to assist with probing. 

When we changed to leadership thinking and asked, “How can we?” suddenly, instinctively, possibilities popped like popcorn!  We looked at how few cases it would take to more than justify a new, easier-to-use camera dedicated to the hygiene room.  The hygienist arranged for her own training session on the camera to shorten the learning curve.  The team practiced ways to educate patients more quickly and more convincingly about necessary treatment.  They agreed on the type of patients who should be rescheduled for comprehensive examinations and the most compelling ways to do it.  They began to systematically monitor practice and departmental statistics and learned how to analyze and improve them.  In one year, the practice saw a 30% increase and a much higher level of job satisfaction from both the hygienist and doctor. 

Recently, when I asked the hygienist privately what she felt the biggest catalyst for change had been, she stated that, unequivocally, it had been a change in her leadership attitude.  She had underestimated how much the success of her department impacted the overall success of the practice and ultimate patient care.  She’d also underestimated her ability to make it better. “I now know that if the morning meetings are boring and unproductive, if patients are not accepting treatment, if my doctor doesn’t see the value in something I feel passionate about, I can do something about it.  I ask myself one question:  ‘How can I?  How can I convince him?  How can I make the meetings more exciting or productive?  How can I learn to phrase something differently so patients understand the importance of treatment?’  My world has completely changed because of one question.  I now feel like a leader rather than a follower, a passive employee, or a victim.” 

What does the dental practice owner wish team members knew about leadership?  The same things we wish from our children, spouses, teammates, association members, and fellow citizens:  Leadership Thinking.  But don’t do it for the boss.  Do it for yourself.  Leadership thinking will not only improve the way you practice, but will lead to much bigger possibilities in the rest of your life. 

Lioness leaders not only see greater potential in themselves but in all those whose lives they touch.  They bring out this instinctive greatness in themselves and in others by asking “How can I?  How can you?  How can we?”

To improve your Lioness Leadership Thinking, remember:

• Leadership mindset is not just for owners / managers.
• Lead from where you are.
• Ask “How can I / we?” instead of “I can’t.” or “We don’t have time.”
• Understand practice / department / individual statistics and how to analyze and improve problem areas.
• Be aware of the role you play in the success of the practice and how important practice profitability is to the continued growth of the practice.
• Remember that the leadership of one person can literally turn an entire team attitude around.

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It’s in you.  Leadership has nothing to do with owning a business, the number of people you manage, how old you are, how long you’ve been in the business or how much you make.  It has everything to do with your state of mind and the skill sets you master.  This course will help individuals access the leader within, communicate and think like a leader, connect vision to action and inspire those around them to do the same.

Bring the Lions to Life!  Using fantastic photography, exciting video clips, and deliciously descriptive language, Master Storyteller, Katherine Eitel, brings The Lioness Principle vividly and powerfully to life for your attendees.  Transported in their minds to the wild African savannahs and coming in contact with their own internal leadership source, audiences are transported into an untapped and bountiful watershed of leadership abilities, strengths, and ideas.  Using humor, tenderness, and poignant examples, this presentation will touch the hearts, minds, and souls of everyone in the room and leave them ROARING for more!  African music and motivational pre-show PowerPoint are always included.  Ask us about transforming your meeting room with an African savannah theme!

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Katherine Eitel, creator of The Lioness Principle, is an international speaker, author, and experienced communications coach specializing in non-scripted, extraordinary communications for dental/discretionary healthcare and service-based business creating greater profitability and personal joy.   With over 25 years experience, Katherine’s revolutionary communications training programs have helped hundreds of practices and small businesses throw out their old, tired scripts and access instinctive greatness improving marketing results, organizational systems, client service and verbal skills, and the bottom line.

Past-President of the Academy of Dental Management Consultants (2007-2008), Board Member of Speaking Consulting Network and active member of National Speakers Association. 

Learn more about Katherine Eitel’s presentations at: http://www.directoryofdentalspeakers.com/eitelkatherine.html and www.LionessLearning.com